But a Beggar

I walked the darkened mountain paths
I cried out to the Unseen God
Speaking in anguish
Acknowledging the truth that has finally come home

I am but a beggar
I have nothing to give
There is not one thing that is my own
I look upon the meager things I have wrought
I despair for they are more than worthless and foul

I can but cry out for mercy
Why anyone would want me, I cannot comprehend
Whatever has befallen my touch has been corrupted
Completely empty is my store house
There is but sorrow and shame to share
My state is utterly helpless
I am nothing

A cold wind blew as I stood alone in shame
The wind carried a song sung long ago by the afflicted
“He sent His word and healed them, and delivered them from
their destruction”

The Unseen God reminded me of His unchanging word
His unfailing faithfulness and never ending compassion
He asked that I but cried out to Him
I am but to fall at His mercy and He promised me renewed hope

I cried with all my heart and He met me there
I am a beggar
I am redeemed
I have everything I need

The Depths of Grace

God meets us only when we are willing to be absolutely honest with Him. Then He will go to any depth and continue for any length in order to rescue us from ourselves.

The Depths of Grace

Down here I can't see
Eyes wide in darkness be
Feet shod with thickened clay
A slow march to death each day

Nothing good I thought could be
Down in the depths here with me

Grace shone down to light the way
Breaking feet out from the clay
Lifting eyes to the sky
Giving life lest I die

Grace is a key breaking me free
Lifting me up from me to thee

Out of the pit I was pulled
Truth against the lies of old
Love so free surrounding me
Embraced by hope which set me free

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He Calls Me Deep

The only thing I seem to be able to write lately is poetry, so here you go...

This poem is called "He Calls Me Deep"

Deep down deep, layer beneath layer
Festers a secret me, hidden from all
Safe protected safe, alone always alone
Dark in silence, lost in pain

Broken so broken, needy too needy
Hopeless for love, crying for hope
Running always running, fear suffocating fear
Afraid to lose what I see, not receiving what I have

Why oh why, understanding never understanding
So many questions, so few answers
Knowning, not knowing, believing barely believing
Do I have faith, will I ever trust

Call persistent call, love mounting love
Imploring to trust, truth to stand on
Pride breaking pride, life renewing life
A setting free of the deep

Hope and Glory Forever

I'm back, or at least for a while. I want to start writing again and I'm trying to make it a priority, but there are so many distractions. I love sharing with you all the craziness that goes on in my head. It helps me make a little bit of sense out of it all and maybe you can get to know me a little better in the process.

I'm going to try and post about once a week. I hope to finish The Curse of the Baker Family Pets soon, but we'll see what happens. The rest of my pet stories are a little harder on the ears and heart and I haven't figured out how to share them without losing you, my audience.

Here's a poem I wrote a couple days ago.

Hope and Glory Forever

Empty and lost from waiting
Long forgotten dreams have faded from existence

Once the sun was brightness to me and light and good
But blistering heat is what I understand in this time
Senseless, unending, torturous heat
Why must I sweat and be beaten by this oppression

I yearn to be filled up and to find the answer to hope
Will my mind ever overflow with joyous thoughts of the future

Darkness appeals to the overwhelmed senses, frayed for use
Clouds take me, wrap me, and swallow me whole in dimness
Cool comforting caresses of momentary shadows
Maybe they will last, maybe they will give me what I want

I long to be full and to see clearly through these delusions and lies
Peace has escaped my grasp, will I ever apprehend glory

Light can pierce darkness and reveal the hope within
Surrounding me with joy, crowding out the deception
Faith, hope and LOVE
Love is what I need, God is love

I will be overflowing one day, when I see His love and all that He is
Perfect love is mine, and all hope and glory forever

Lake Michigan

I just got out of lake Michigan. Water is a perfect 72 degrees. I jump off the pier and enjoyed a leisurely swim. A bunch of kids were jumping and dive off the pier nearby. I love small towns and the seemingly simple life they portray. Makes me want to move here someday. Don't worry I wont make any rash descions :)

Here are a view pics from my afternoon at the lake.

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Day One: My Trip to Michigan

0500- Saturday morning- it's not fun to getting up this early, but I'm ready to go. I'm taking a trip with my dad back to his home town to visit his family.

Strange feelings...I feel ready, I feel scared and confident all at the same time. God is with me, I know that beyond doubt. That is my comfort and my strength.

Its raining hard...I love rain!

Now I'm drenched from running the 50 feet to the car, but its worth it...I LOVE the rain.

0645- We just left the ground. We are en-route to the Windy City. Still excited...wondering what God has in store.

I love flying. I'm not sure why, it's always uncomfortable and it has always meant change for me in the past. I've never liked change, but for some reason I love flying.

0650- Reading Three Cups of Tea. Awesome book about a rock climber who starts hundreds of schools in Pakistan. Thank you Lara for recommending it. And all the rest of you should read it too!

0717- Watching the show Better off Ted on my laptop becuase its the only show I have on my hard drive. There's WiFi available on this flight but it will cost me $13 dollars to use-not worth it.

0950- No wait, 1150- I hate losing time. Just arrived safe in Chicago. Three and a half hours flew by (lol). I know...lame, but you laughed! Have I told you I love traveling...and airports...and flying.

1158- Taking the 'L' to Monroe Street in downtown Chicago so we can wait around for our train to Holland. The 'L' is much older than the light rail in Phoenix. Feels like it might start to fall apart at any minute. This is Obama's home town so he would never let that happen, right? I guess Obama was in Chicago yesterday. Too bad I missed him, I'm very bummed (lol).

1215- Its so green here-it's awesome. I love green. I love jungle most of all, but a nice green wood will do. The thicker the better of course.

 

Coming up from the 'L'

1309- I haven't been surrounded by so many tall buildings in a long time. It is very impressive what man can do when he puts his mind to it.

1405- We decided to check out the view from the Sears Tower (I guess its called the Willis Tower now). Standing in line...hope it doesn't take too long.

1456- Still standing in line...

1517- Still stuck in line and will be for a lot longer it looks like. Hope we get to the top before our train leaves at 5:30 pm.

1545- Finally at the top, not sure if its worth the wait, but I'm here. The sky walk is interesting, but 103 stories isn't as high as I thought it would be. I don't feel very high. I guess I was hoping to feel a little adrenaline rush or something.

1710- Just boarded the train, three hours and one minute to Holland. Someone is a little too concerned about determining the exact length of the trip. I would have been fine with rounding it to a solid three hours.

I arrived safely in Holland, Michigan last night. The weather was perfect. Clear sky, gentle breeze, and temperatures in the mid 70's (just thought I would rub that in a bit). So far so good. God has been working already and will continue I'm sure. I'm looking forward to the rest of the adventure that God has for me here. I will write more soon.

Breaking Through

I was driving earlier and I saw the sun struggling to break through the brooding clouds. I couldn't help but feel a connection. I raced to a decent spot to take a picture and snapped this off with my high tech camera phone. Not the greatest quality but still a great picture of how I feel.